:: Monkey with a Laptop ::

:: 11/24/2003 ::

I will not be leaving Bald Knob. At least not this winter. But I have found my salvation. I have met a blind guy who thinks I'm a dog. Not a seeing eye dog, just a stray. His name is Clem. But here is how this deal is sweet. Clem lives alone. His kids come to visit once or twice a week, but that's it. The kids are the type who impose their will on their, what they believe to be, now crippled parent. Clem, from what I gather, lost his sight about 10 years ago. He gets around fine. He lives within walking distance of a small grocery store, the neighbors come over and check in on him every once in a while. But his kids don't want him having a pet. So, as part of his little rebellion, he has taken in, what he believes to be a stray dog. That's me. But because he has to hide it, I live in the basement, which is finished and gives me access to power, the phone...everything. The basement door also has a pet hatch, which allows me to come and go as I please.

So I am waiting out the winter in Clem's basement, in Bald Knob, Arkansas.

To be honest, I have to let him pet me and play the dog part a bit. It feels like selling out, but we do what we have to. I also don't have to eat dog food. Because Clem doesn't want any tell tale dog food cans around...I get to eat table scraps. Demeaning, but Clem always seems to cook too much. It's nice.

So I am now able to be warm and comfortable and reflect on my journey thus far. Oh...and surf the web. I am so going to surf the web. I am so out of touch with the news.

Talk to you soon -

Runko - Monkey with a Sugar Daddy
:: Eric Peter Schwartz 9:30 AM [+] comment on runko's post ::
...

Bald Knob is getting to me. I'm...starting to get the genitickles for a sape. Can you think of anything sicker? Not me. But I can't help it. It goes against everything I believe...hold dear... I found her online. Not only does she blog..but she writes some really steamy prose. She's a saucey minx. A tease. And a hell of a writer.

So yesterday was Erection Day 2003.

I know this will pass. I know that eventually I will stop wanting her to stroke my fur. I will stop wanting to display my boonstick for her. But it begs the question...where will I find love? While sex with Carmel was great, back at the facility, but I can't really love her. She and I, other than being boons, we have nothing in common. And Amy? How the hell would that work. Aprt from being sick...I could never tell her what she means. And all that shit flinging... I'm sure that's a turn on for perpetually anit-shit-metic sapes.

So, sadly, I'm sure love is not for me. I could feed my emotional and intellectual side with an unknowing sape online and then monkey hump the shit out of some baboon. But that is no way to live. It's better that I just realize that I am destined to be a bachelor forever.

Monk with a Laptop.

If you read this, Amy...there's a boon in Bald Knob thinking about you and flinging dung in your honor.

Sorry. I just feel dirty.
:: Eric Peter Schwartz 1:22 PM [+] comment on runko's post ::
...

For anybody who read my last post and followed the city link. I am serious. I have been in Bald Knob Arkansas for nearly a week now. They have no shame. I understand there is a history to the name...but c'mon! You need to move with the times. If your name was Big Dump, Arkansas or Rancid Twat, Iowa or even Shitty Shit Shit Pond Scum Sack Sucker, Nebraska...even if these names were derived from Native American (or in the case of Bald Knob, from the European who "discovered" the area). You'd change it!

And yet here I sit. Staring daily at signs, websites etc with BALD KNOB in big, bold , blaring letters. Blad Knob Lake. Bald Knob Construction. Bald Knob Assembly of God. And DRIPPING SPRINGS!!! Dripping Springs road in Bald Knob Arkansas. I swear on spooky nature of your Sape God! I'm not making any of this up! It's all here. If I had the physiology to laugh I would. Unfortunately my "laughter" sounds like howls of pain from somebody pulling my pancreas out through my anus with two bowling balls and a bent tetherball pole fused together into a giant pair of tongs.

I know I should move on. Time is slipping away. I need to hit the Gulf of Mexico before winter truly sets in. But being in this town is like looking at a train wreck, or a REALLY REALLY fat guy in a thong...no matter how much you want to peel your eyes away, you can't!

Here's another chance to see that I am not lying. Bald Knob, AR Chamber of Commerce
:: Eric Peter Schwartz 11:06 AM [+] comment on runko's post ::
...