:: Monkey with a Laptop ::

:: 10/29/2003 ::

I guess I am feeling less urgency to get my story out. I feel as though I am doing you a disservice. And for this I apologize. After I escaped I had a burning desire to scream at the universe in the only way I could. Since then the burning desire has subsided. Sometimes I come in to Blogger and have no idea what to say to you sapes. I am afraid that I have shifted from intelligent-baboon oddity-with observations on society TO another whiny asswipe with an internet account. One of the problems with increased brain power is that eventually you discover boredom, lethargy and an inability to communicate properly.

I want to apologize for some comments I made a couple of weeks ago about monkey researchers. My online buddy (and often conscience) Derek was a little put off by my violent comments at the end of my last blog. Not all animal researchers are the butchers my tormentors were. He also asked if I would go back to being a dumb baboon if given the chance. Right now...I don't know. Awareness is a lot of responsibility. I now so many of you sapes medicate and marinate yourselves because you know this to be the case. And yet, if I hadn't been augmented I would have missed out on so much; fireworks, Cozad, sunset on the Sangre De Cristo mountains, the Black Hills. The answer...no. I wouldn't want to go back. Not for a moment.

Thank you Derek. Life is too short (especially for a boon) for me to harbor recriminations.

I'm freaking freezing. My journey has slowed down considerably. I am not making it south fast enough. It's getting colder and colder. My stolen clothes are helping, but it's not enough. I am no longer certain that I will make it through the winter. That may be why I have been feeling so remorseful. Feelings of impending doom. Making peace with my creator.

I am currently in Bald Knob, AR. I will be back to finish this a little later. Duty calls. Or rather doody calls. Sorry, cheap joke.


:: Eric Peter Schwartz 3:45 PM [+] comment on runko's post ::
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Okay! I have decided that CNN is the monkey-friendliest of all the major news sites. First they do the story on disappearing Orangutans and now they do a story on monkeys playing video games through the power of thought. Read the story here. Now lets back up because that sounded fairly important.

Controlling video games through the power of thought. As if childsapes asses weren't getting big enough!!! So Playstation 3 will include a cranial jack? I understand the implications of this. Obviously robotics, cybernetics etc. Here's what I want. I want the ability to jerk off without using my arms. You know...all the procreation pudding with out all the chaffing.

That's really all I had to say at this point. It was a long wind up for a masturbation joke. But it's an interesting tech breakthrough. I don't know if it's good or not. But with Arnold in power, Patriot 2 waiting in the wings, and the Cubs one game away from the World Series how can we be surprised by anything anymore. Not to mention the fact that there is a revved up Baboon posting online.

It's like you sapes don't think ahead. Look, if you give monkeys the ability to contol things with their mind, their going to turn on you. Animals of all kinds have had it! Any one of you sapes could be Roy (Mrs.Sigfreid) getting dragged off stage by the neck. I'd have done it to my captors, if I had the ability. All I could really do is make a big mess and swipe a computer. Keep an eye on your dogs. Watch your cats. They are far smarter than you give them credit for.

And they're watching you. Just like I was. And the facility was stupid enough to hand me the keys to the "brain car".

I hope the mind control, video game monkeys turn on their handlers, cram something into their cortext and then mind control them into heart attacks. Better yet, wait until they move along to robot arms or cybernetics...bide your time...then, during a crucial test, mind control the robot arm to hydraulic clamp down onto their fucking ballsack and twist like a fucking turn table.



:: Eric Peter Schwartz 2:14 PM [+] comment on runko's post ::
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God damn! It's fucking cold! I can't seem to get south fast enough. I am currently huddled in Bolivar, MO. As I write this it is 53 degrees. Which may be nothing to you sapes who have spent the better part of a million years over coming this...we boons aren't that adaptable. So have your little chuckle. But let me tell you something...when it gets bad enough, you'll be surprised what a boon will do.

The other night, I was freezing and fed up with being cold. I walked right in to a 24 hour laudromat. I think my presence was so sudden and it was so late at night that the patrons were simply stunned. I walked in, opened a dryer, took out some clothes and blankets, threw them into a bag and walked out. But the sapes did nothing. They stared, their mouths gaping open. Maybe the saturation of practical joke television has prepped the sape mind for anything. I can only speculate as to what happened after I left.

In any case, I am able to partake of some warmth from my bold move.

I was surfing a few days ago and I came across a disturbing article about Orangutans and how they may die out in the next 10 to 20 years. Here is the article. This frightens me. While I haven't known a single Tan that I liked, I still don't want to see them wiped off the planet. Why oh why couldn't it be chimps?! Nature's sell out - whores. See what happens. While Tans have had more success cracking the sape film market (Witness the Any Which Way But Loose movies), they are still not as successful as the chimp menace. They just flat out don't look as good in sape clothes.

Also, I was surfing the net and it seems I am running for Governor of California and I didn't even know. Why does everybody in the country seem to care about this. Does California realize that it's a joke. A train wreck from which sapes can't look away. Yes you control our minds with your entertainment...but we all know you're fucking out of your bean sprout minds!

I have decided I am heading to the swamps of Louisiana. I think this would provide me with a fairly warm, remote area that would still allow me access to civilization.
I just need to get there soon.
:: Eric Peter Schwartz 9:41 AM [+] comment on runko's post ::
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