Monkey with a Laptop


:: Monkey with a Laptop ::

I am a genetically-augmented, highly intelligent Yellow Baboon. In 2003 I escaped from a secret military facility in New Mexico. I lifted this laptop on the way out.
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:: 12/28/2004 ::

Why is the fucking internet attacking me?!?!

Before I start talking about this I want to forewarn any MAC using sunuvabitch who might feel like popping up and spouting off a bunch of unsolicited MAC ad-talk. Yes. I get it. MAC rules. Fuck you. I stole what I could steal. Now sit back down in your cubicle and fidget with your nuts while mumbling about Steven Jobs. You and the fuckin' Trekkies can suck my jungle loin.

Anyway, I have been slammed by this CoolWebSearch adware. I have downloaded every free spybot and adware remover, scrubber, cleanser, polisher and jacker I could find and nothing gets rid of it. I don't know who the shit guzzling sape was that designed this but I hope that somebody ties you down on a table sideways and allows a trickle of acid drip and burn a hole through one ass cheek and then through the other. Over several weeks you will be kept alive and forcefed antibiotics to keep the infection away but your keeper will keep reopening the wound with a mechanical pencil. Every Wednesday Southern Comfort will be poured through the tunnel created through your assfat. Then they will release you naked into a Comp USA and unwitting, casual computer users who have been frustrated and given high blood pressure by your creation can take turns whipping your supple, naked flesh with modem cords.

Now that I have vented, let me appeal to your higher brain functions. You are a terrorist. You got a pretty penny to design and constantly upgrade your adware. You're not even on the same level as some virus creating anarchist. In their own twisted way they are fighting the system. Not you. You create invasive, unwanted shit to push cell phones and trips to Barbados. You are scum. You're the lawyer who crashes a funeral. You're sape filth and I hope your friends find out what you do and abandon you.

Happy fucking New Year.

runko



:: Eric Peter Schwartz 3:58 PM [+] comment on runko's post ::
...
Comments:
You know, if you had a Mac you'd have no virus, adware or spyware problems and you wouldn't be upset and your blog would not be as interesting.

So thank you, Bill Gates!
 
Fuck buckets! You people should dress up in short sleeve white shirts with black ties and go door to door. Okay! I get it! Macs don't get viruses. I know. Now you can go back to the Temple of MACedonia and tell the high fuckin' priest that you have fulfilled your mission.

And please, from now on, start all sentences with "Papa Smurf always says..."
 
Why are these fucking bacteria attacking me?!?!

Before I start talking about this I want to forewarn any antibiotic-using sunuvabitch who might feel like popping up and spouting off a bunch of unsolicited medicine ad-talk. Yes. I get it. ANTIBIOTICS rule. Fuck you. I stole what I could steal. Now sit back down in your cubicle and fidget with your nuts while mumbling about Sir Alexander Fleming. You and the fuckin' Trekkies can suck my jungle loin.
 
Wow. I'm just going to back away now. I don't want a load of pale, sunken eyed Mac users charging my Louisiana swamp home with lit torches. I'm sorry I ever shrugged off this COMMERCIAL product that seems to have you all dangling from it's writing mechanical teets. Maybe if I had started out using a Mac I would feel different. Unfortunately I have had no choice in the computer I use. The assholes at Project: Infinite Monkey seem to move with the mob.
 
Actually, Runko, thanks to a huge grant from the Office of Homeland Security, we just bought a bunch of G5s with all the bells and whistles. So, here's the deal: Come on home and we'll give you your own Mac, and you'll never have to deal with viscious malware again, not even while downloading images of estrous females with their flaming red genitalia. We really need you to come on home now. Look, we promise: No more experiments. That thing where we hold your eyelids open and make you watch A Clockwork Orange again and again? Thing of the past. We'll just make you, like, the office mascot. Waddya say?
--
Your pal,
Dr. Ivan von Schuster
Mad Scientist-in-Chief
 
Hi, I was just surfing around and found you!, if you would like to see my Anti Spyware related site. It isnt anything special but you may still find Anti Spywarestuff of some interest.
 
spyware adware removal is a hot topic these days, and I'm glad you posted this adware related message on your blog; maybe you'll find more info for your next posts on my adware specialized website. Feel free to grab what you need.
 
You have a nice blog here. Did you know
there Is A 90% Chance That Your Computer Has AdWare Or Spyware On It Right NOW!

Spyware and Adware viruses have rapidly become the number one threat to your computer with over 90% of computers already infected. These include trojans, bugs, ad serving software, monitoring software and more.
I also have a free spyware removal tool site-blog. It can help you find and get rid of spyware, adware plus other stuff pn your computer for good. Free downloads.
You should check it out if you get the time!
 
I'm an adware expert, owner of a adware delete free resource. I'm happy bloggers like you are starting to cover this hot topic. Feel free to get any info from my website for your blog!
 
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a anti virus site/blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)
 
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a auction site/blog. It pretty much covers auction related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)
 
Great blog here! I have a car hire malaga airport site/blog. It pretty much covers car hire malaga airport related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)
 
Scan your PC for free now! Maybe your system is running slow and infected with some malware - come here ad adware and clean your computer.
 
Internet. SpyWare reports your activities to the advertising providers' web
 
"I just came across your blog about direct mail advertising and wanted to let you know that I am impressed with the information here. I also have a website with an added resource that pertains to direct mail advertising so I know that your blog is fantastic. Continue with the great resource that you are providing to everyone on the Net!"
 
I like the page you have here. Check mine out hair and beauty product show
 
Hey,

This is far the coolest idea I ever met... posting comments which at the same time lets us give our opinions.

These new "technologies" which are called blogs will sure end in something huge later on. That is my feeling.

Regards,
spyware cleaner
 
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