Monkey with a Laptop

:: Monkey with a Laptop ::

I am a genetically-augmented, highly intelligent Yellow Baboon. In 2003 I escaped from a secret military facility in New Mexico. I lifted this laptop on the way out.
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:: 1/29/2004 ::

If there is anybody out there who is planning to see The Lion King 1 1/2 - keep me posted. Let me know if Rafiki gets any screen time. He is one of the few positive Baboon film portrayals. And when I say "positive" I mean "FUCK YOU DISNEY!" Here The Dis gets a chance to take a Baboon and really make them shine, make him a wise, sage, Yoda of a character and INSTEAD they make him a prancing, singing maniac with some streak of Shamanly spirituality. He just acts high. Watch the movie and tell me that Riffy isn't eating some funny fungus from behind the barn.

So let me know if anything important goes on in the new Disney "I'm Out of Ideas...Please Help-a-thon".

So 2004 is the year of The Monkey. How better to celebrate that by slapping a cartoon monkey on the ass of some underpants.
Can you blame me for getting excited over this headline: Lunar New Year Makes Monkey Undies Hot. Cripes! The words Monkey, Undies and Hot all in the same sentence!! I thought it was my lucky day. I thought finally I could get some relief. I still have no good porn to deal with. Trying to paddle the boonstick to what you sapes call porn is horrible. First of all, I'm sure there are a few of you who might feel the nether-squirmies by looking at pictures of other species...but it's not easy. So all of my autoerotic behavior is laced with the desire to upchuck...

I do have a newly aquired online friend, Fadedstar, who seems to have a sister who is a zoopimp. I have a feeling she's lying. Plus she wants to hook me up with some hoboon named Crunchy. I really don't want to slip the boonstick into anything "Crunchy". After that I could move on to Leathery and Dusty. And no pictures! I need to see pictures before I make the trek to meet Crunchy is some dingy Zoocage, display my erection, pound my chest and pumpa da monk.

Of course beggars can't be choosers. Fadedstar chould probably send me a room temperature jar of Smuckers apple jelly and I'd get aroused...HEY! 12 seconds in the microwave.

So, Ben and JLo...goodbye. I'm slightly sad. They have been like my touchstone since I left The Facility. No matter where I was or what I was doing, I could always count on them to be in the news. Now what will I do?

Clem is doing well. No one has caught on to me yet.

Talk to you soon.
:: Eric Peter Schwartz 3:02 PM [+] comment on runko's post ::
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