Monkey with a Laptop

:: Monkey with a Laptop ::

I am a genetically-augmented, highly intelligent Yellow Baboon. In 2003 I escaped from a secret military facility in New Mexico. I lifted this laptop on the way out.
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:: 6/09/2003 ::

Okay... Monkeypox. Thought I should jump on this before some pissed off fan posted to the messageboard blaming me. No I don't have monkeypox. NO I didn't jam a prarie dog in a fit of uncontrollable boon-heat. If you take the time to read the stories, monkeypox (that fucking name chaps my naked boon-tay) was brought here guessed it. Some god damn sapes. Some sapes thought it would be great to sell exotic animals to rich, middle class suburbanites and as a result CNN and FOX news will spend the next 20 days speculating whether this was some bizarre terrorist plot. Weapons of Mass Distraction.

The monkeypox were carried by a Gambian rat, that it seems is also considered an exotic pet. It infected the prarie dogs that were then sold as pets. Great job!! Look, I really have nothing against sapes as a whole. I'd say that 96% of you do a great job. In fact I am typing on the creation of a string of brilliant sapes going back to mass producing the bible hundreds of years ago. It's just that 4% is so freaking LOUD!! Some other news today said that a guy in England calculated the odds of a sape-made or natural apocalypse hitting the earth as 50/50!! 50/50!!! It's idiot shit like this that can do that. Some bunghole in the 'burbs wants to get his goth-wishing 12 year old a Gambian rat, so they can connect and the dad's too busy cuttin' deals at the office and BOOM!! The Stand! Outbreak! Hot-Zone! This is how the world shall end...monkeypox.

And in the end, who gets the blame? THE MONKEYS!!! For we are filthy, supervirus carrying hellspawn. Not the rich guy who paid for it. Not the twenty-something who chucked the prarie dogs in with it. Not even the African street vendor who probably sold it. The Monkeys. They blame us for AIDS too. According to some, some sape in Africa got a little randy and plugged a monkey. That's not our fault.

Anyway, I'm just on a soapbox. I want to debunk this thing before it gets stupid. Debunko the baboon. That's me. The good news is only 1 to 10% of all monkeypox cases are fatal in sapes. (Fuck the monkeys who get it.) Sorry we couldn't provide a bigger threat or TV movie. Whichever this turns out to be. Anyway, the SARS marketing people won't let some little African disease steal the thunder from the Asian/Canadia meeting of the phlegm.

I really don't want to beat this to death, there are competing new "organizations" working to do the that. I just wanted to get this off my furry chest.

I still am keeping a low profile and won't reveal my exact location again for a while. The jags over at Project: Infinite Monkey have been quiet since last week. They are no doubt plotting their next move. I can say that I have left Colorado and with it Carl. My long eared friend left me for a little doe bunny who shook her ass at him. Rabbits are cute but I think my next sidekick is going to have to be a little higher on the evolutionary ladder. So I am now lone ape on the Toro-pole. I am covering much more ground at night and able to rest and relax a little more. No more hills and mountains to traverse. For the time being.

I did finally make contact with a sape a couple of nights ago. I ran out of food a couple of nights ago and decided it was time to raid the larder of a local farm house. I thought it was late enough. I managed to swipe a sackful of stuf, eggs and the like. As I was leaving the house I got cornered by a little boy with a flashlight. Thank the creator. Had it been an adult, animal control would have been coming the county for a baboon. Instead, some little ranch kid is being assured that there are no monkeys here.


Anyway. More later. I am off to enjoy a few eggs. And please...don't pin every apocolypse on the monkeys. K?

later, runko
:: Eric Peter Schwartz 11:36 PM [+] comment on runko's post ::
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