Monkey with a Laptop

:: Monkey with a Laptop ::

I am a genetically-augmented, highly intelligent Yellow Baboon. In 2003 I escaped from a secret military facility in New Mexico. I lifted this laptop on the way out.
:: welcome to Monkey with a Laptop :: bloghome | contact | messageboard | track the monkey | baboon pics | check out my species ::
:: boundary waters media [>]
:: IDA [>]
:: Ghostkeeper [>]
:: scfb [>]
:: Dream Within A Dream [>]
:: GagBlog[>]

:: 6/18/2003 ::

A bit of a rainy day in Cozad. I think I really like it here. I have yet to venture in to town, instead I have been getting to know the folks here through their website. I suppose this is America at its most American. A small town of less than 5000, proud and wanting to tell their story. And here I am, kicking back on the edges of town, preferring to read about it online than going and participating in it. Perhaps I am more sape than I like to admit. Is it possible that every one likes to watch, because participating could lead to failure and embarrassment. It's not that I am ashamed of being a monkey. Not at all. It's just...well...frankly I wish I could blend in with these sapes. Just for a day. Talk to them. Shake their hand. I guess my anger at Project Infinite Monkey stems from the fact they did this to me. They jiggled my helix. They cursed me with this understanding. Ignorance is bliss...and my augmented intelligence is a pain in my shiney pink ass. All I can do is go online and bark at the world. Angry at my creator because I was given the understanding and set loose into the world. More sape than I know...

Sorry to be a downer today. It's gray out and I have been thinking about Carmel and Carl and my folks. think how far I have come.

So I am looking into speech programs that would allow me to type and speak like Stephen Hawking. Something that would translate my typed messages into speech. Then perhaps I could actually converse with sapes. Make phone calls. Order pizza. Order custom pants that will cover my boontay. I have decided that it is my quest to assimilate myself into the world. The only capable ambassador of animalkind in a world full of sapes. I know there are mountains to climb, but I have been looking at the state of the technology, and I think it's doable. Hard, but not impossible.

One of the programs I have been looking at is the Hybrid Orator 2. If anybody out there has any suggestions, please let me know in my forum (above). And just ignore this Count Percy freak.

After I find the program, I then have the task of learning customs and showing sapes that I am not a threat. Like all creatures, sapes work more off visual clues. Unfortunately most of the clues are based on different musculature than I possess. Which is probably why so many sapes kneel and suck shaft at the altar of the chimp. Chimps are much better at copying human visual clues. Needless to say, I have an uphill battle. I will need a job. I will need a place to live and shelter. I need to avoid sape do-gooders because I could cozy up to one of those sandal wearing mother fuckers and find myself on a plane to a baboon refuge in Africa. Yeah. That's what I want. To sit near a tree, shaking my head at the unfortunate stupidity ingrained in 99.9999999% of my kind for the rest of my life. Not their fault. I just don't know if I could handle it. I need a loft apartment with a DVD player, a broadband connection and a Gold's Gym membership.

Thanks for letting this boon vent. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions in my forum. I'm going to give the Toro a rest today. If I go anywhere, I'll go on foot. Not sure when I'll move on. For now, I am making Cozad by temporary home.

:: Eric Peter Schwartz 10:35 AM [+] comment on runko's post ::
Comments: Post a Comment

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?