Monkey with a Laptop

:: Monkey with a Laptop ::

I am a genetically-augmented, highly intelligent Yellow Baboon. In 2003 I escaped from a secret military facility in New Mexico. I lifted this laptop on the way out.
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:: 11/17/2004 ::

I felt a great disturbance in The Force. It was like millions of free thinkers cried out and then suddenly silence. The only sound heard across the world at that moment was the lone rumble of a bulldozer starting up in Alaska. Now we have to sit and watch as members of the Bush cabinet fall away and are replaced like Law and Order characters. And if I have to hear anyone else say CONDI, I'm going to scoop out an alligator, drag it to their house and beat them to death with it.

Here's what I really don't understand about the voting public. From the placement of the RED states, it seems that Bush was voted in by people who get drunk in bars and say "you think you're better than me?" That means the only reason they voted for Bush and not Kerry is the Clampet factor. Yes both candidates are rich, powerful and think of themselves as better than they people they wish to rule. (They have to to run for office.) So it must be the YEEEHAW Clampet thing. Let's vote for the blue blood, power hungry rich man who talks like me! Not the blue blood, power hungry rich man that talks like them folks in Boston. GIT 'ER DONE!

And the minorities are apparently able to look past conservative bigotry (I won't say racist. That's overused. Hitler was a racist. Archie Bunker was a bigot) and vote them into power because of the gay thing. Gays... finally something people of all colors can hate. See, it's our commonalities that bind us together. Discussion of Old Fashioned Values makes me sick. Which old fashioned value do you prefer? The one where the wife is the property of the man and can be beaten, raped and even killed as long as just cause is found? Or the old fashioned value that says that the only voice that matters is that of a white gentleman of property. Idiots. Using "Old Fashioned or Family Values" as a euphemism for "we don't want faggots to have any rights because they are disgusting" is not only despicable and bigoted... it shows that you know it's wrong to feel that way. Why hide behind a euphemism. "Protect the sanctity of marriage" - my ass.

Let's not talk about the recent discovery of the alleged "gay gene". That would shoot intelligent design and God's plan and filthy in the eyes of the Lord all to hell.

Was one of John Kerry's campaign promises to force all marriages to become open, raging orgies? That all Americans should stop seeing each other as husbands, wives, sons and daughters and instead seeing them as mobile genital buffets? Fuck em if you got em. Give me a break.

So John Kerry will limp back to Washington and try to pick up the pieces of his life and career. Colin Powell will write another book. Michael Moore will turn his attention to something else (if he doesn't, he's just going to look petty) and I will go do the only thing that really relieves my stress... shit in my hand and throw it across the swamp.

:: Eric Peter Schwartz 11:08 AM [+] comment on runko's post ::
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