Monkey with a Laptop

:: Monkey with a Laptop ::

I am a genetically-augmented, highly intelligent Yellow Baboon. In 2003 I escaped from a secret military facility in New Mexico. I lifted this laptop on the way out.
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:: 5/18/2003 ::

Sunday. The day of rest, according to sape religion. I have been resting for several days. My trip over the Sangre De Cristo mountains took a lot out of me. I have been taken residence in what appears to be a ranch for sale. The house, barn and so forth is deserted, but in pristine show condition. Needless to say I have been enjoying the cushy beds and chairs after almost 2 weeks in the wilderness. I have planned my escape if anybody turns up. It would nice to be able to stay forever.

The ranch is at the northern end of Colorado's San Luis Valley, about ten miles west of the Sangre De Cristo and 15 miles east of the San Juan mountains. I am on the outer edge of a town called Moffatt. My stop in San Luis was very brief. I managed to sneak on to a poultry truck, snag some lunch and hitch a ride here.

Thanks to all of you who emailed me, showing concern for my well being. Hooking up with the kind folks at Boundary Waters Media has really helped me get my story out. In response to one particular inquiry, no I never got any "Boontang". The chances of me bumping into ...or rather humping into... another baboon, let alone a female, are hella small. I have also received several cryptic emails from people asking my exact position and offering assistance. Either headhunters from The Facility have found the site or somebody wants some baboon hand ashtrays. If you are a concerned reader, please understand my unwillingness to accept your offer.

I have been chatting online a lot with various people. I exchanged some emails with a lady I met at Adult Friend Finder (which seemed like a perfect way to meet some intelligent sapes). Whooooo. Did she say some filthy things. I can't believe you sapes can do all those things. Or WOULD for that matter. I also spent some time discussing the announcement that Chewbacca (?) will be appearing in Episode 3 (whatever the hell that means) with somebody named Fett71. It appeared to be big news but Fett seemed assured that it would suck anyway. But he was excited. When I devulged that I had no idea what he was talking about, Fett began typing in all caps and called me a "scruffy-looking Nerf Herder". I then looked up Nerf Herder and found out that they are a band and they are rumored to be appearing in the last epsiode of something called BtVS. I did finally look up Chewbacca and discovered what this guy was talking about.

That much passion and thought put into a movie. I will admit though, I may be a baboon but even I could tell that Jar Jar Binks was a fist in the ass to all free thinking creatures.

I'm off to toss a little poop and take a nap in my hijacked bed. Later!
:: Eric Peter Schwartz 3:31 PM [+] comment on runko's post ::
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