Monkey with a Laptop

:: Monkey with a Laptop ::

I am a genetically-augmented, highly intelligent Yellow Baboon. In 2003 I escaped from a secret military facility in New Mexico. I lifted this laptop on the way out.
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:: 5/29/2003 ::

Believe it or not I have found something about sapes I absolutely love. Flirting. I really believe that is what separates you animaldom. Baboons, cows and zebras can't bat their eyes across a crowded room. Neither can bats for that matter. With us it's all about the humpty hump. On the evolutionary scale, flirting is advanced. Just enjoying the abstract possibility of sex. Well done, sapes. Bravo.

See, I can give credit where credit is due.

While I lack the ability to give the physical signals that sapes use to flirt, I have recently been able to enjoy the intellectual, online variety. Sapes have even gone so far as to create websites that help them imporve their flirting technique. is a site dedicated to the art of flirting. It does seem to be a girlsape thing. And I think that all comes from the fact that y'all once swung in the trees. Flirting is an advanced form of "presenting". Zoologist Desmond Morris covers some of this in his book The Naked Ape. A good book. One of the okay sapes at The Facility, a young guy named Toby (who used to shampoo me) would read to me to stay awake on overnight shifts.

So I have started flirting online. I feel a little dirty flirting with creatures of a different species. So would they, if they knew. I spent a good deal of time trading quips with hunnyhugger920. I do believe she made me blush. Not that you could tell through my frizz, but she was a very sweet girl. Unlike some of the girlsapes I have hooked up with she didn't ask me if I wanted to "Cyber". I did it once or twice. Cybering for me was unsuccessful. It went something like this.

chestylarue: Mmmmm it's so big. I have to use both hands.

runko: What are you talking about?

chestylarue: That big third leg of yours.

runko: I'm sorry. I think you're confused. I don't have three legs.

chestylarue: *moans* Tell me how we do it.

runko: *jumps up and down and throws crap* I jump up and down and throw crap, followed by the requisite penile display common to my species. This is to show you I am dominant. You present yourself for mounting. I run down the hill and penetrate for a good 25 or thirty seconds. After which I groom you.

chestylarue: uh...k

Not terribly successful. I prefer flirting.

For those of you tracking me, I am southeast of Denver near a town called Limon. I will be shooting north soon.

Later, runko
:: Eric Peter Schwartz 11:46 AM [+] comment on runko's post ::
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